I Don't Know Why

I know I'm being stupid, and I wish I could control it. The fact is I'm sitting on my bed, crying again. It has been raining in my lovely new town for three days now. Could you imagine two ridiculous and badly behaved children stuck in a 700 sq ft apartment with you for three days? Well, whatever you imagine, you're wrong. It's not all coloring and painting and block building in my house. It's one child yelling and the other crying until someone gets hit and I intervene. Blah blah blah. That wasn't the point. The point is about me. I am crying. Again. Tears are flowing down my cheeks and my love is asking me what's wrong. I can't answer. I don't know how to. Napa is supposed to be sunny and splendid and we are supposed to be rich and full of purpose. The reality is Ben now has two jobs and is working a lot. I am not working though I have an offer and will be working soon. The kids are bored, the space is cramped, my money is short and it's not all rainbows and sunshine. But that's not why I'm crying. So why am I crying? I'm a workaholic that isn't working. Is that it? Do alcoholics cry when they can't drink? Withdrawl. Am I going through withdrawl from working? Maybe it's withdrawl from the way things used to be... Here I am at my computer. It's been such a long time since I've written. That makes me sad. Maybe that's the withdrawl, maybe it's from writing. Writing sure is a cheap form of therapy in any case. So today, I don't know why I'm crying. Maybe I should call up the Fu%#ed Fairie and ask her advice.