Friday, April 15, 2011

Socks and The Statue Of Liberty

I'm doing head stands in the living room.  How did I get here?  Was it all the music of the evening; music that included The Day the Music Died and Cats In the Cradle?  Was it the amazing family dinner (stew) that I made, from scratch, all by myself?  Was it the short work day and the lack of unnecessary housework I did not do?  Whatever it is or was, it's fun.

Two days ago, my socks didn't match.  Ben said, "Nice socks."  I responded with something generic saying he just liked them because they were cute.  "You're disorganized, and that's cute."  So many reasons why I love my Ben.  Later that morning he asked how much money I had.  Um, not a lot.  He handed me thirty bucks and said my hair was "fluffy".  Okay, got it.  The following morning when I woke up, he said I looked like the Statue of Liberty.  Point well taken, I got my haircut finally.  I also did a bit of laundry.  My socks match now, as "un-cute" and organized as it is.

My family pointed out something to me a couple days ago, and as I listened to music tonight, I had to keep myself from crying.  See, the boys go to school Monday through Friday, and I work on the weekends. It was an intervention that pointed out to me that we never stay home and just "relax."  We always leave the house, most days before seven thirty in the morning, and do our lives.  It took an intervention and Cats In The Cradle to help me realize that we have been living lives of doing, rather than living.  We live at home.  We're never here.  I have taught my children the art of not relaxing, and that isn't fair.  It was also addressed that we never have a "whole" day together.  We never are together morning, noon, night... all in the same day.

For obtaining so much control, I really have none.  My family should come first, right?  I have control now over my socks, my hair, my house, my blog (?), and... my time?

I guess I have to learn to let the socks be socks, matching or not, my head of hair challenge the Statue of Liberty's beauty, the ants run the bathroom counter, and headstands rule the living room.  I think it's getting us far.

I have only a few Trazodone pills left.  I have been taking 25 milligrams per evening, down from 100 to 150 per evening.  I think it's time to taper off, face the withdrawl beast again.  Afterall, one medication down and life is looking up.  Just one more, and I'll be free....
to do headstands, play the music loud, and leave the dishes in the sink, right?

1 comment:

  1. Yes Melissa, you CAN break those ties that have been binding you.