Sunday

It all started on July 29th, from what I can remember. "Maybe if I asked the state department nicely, they would give me a passport, and I would be on the next plane to see that fucking girl." That was the message. That was the beginning of my skewed world. This is the test: Allysha is coming to dinner. I am secure in my insecurity. I know it exists. I have to give it the respect it deservea, however, I do not have to give it power over me. It is an insecurity, not a fact. It is a mind-set, not a thing. I am Mel. I am loved. I am just going to keep telling myself that. I know women. I know myself. I know nostalgia. I do not trust women. However, I trust my love. This week until Sunday will be hard for me. I will not lie. However, it is a stepping stone to security. If we pass this huge mark, where will that leave us? I hope to be friends with this woman, this past love. I hope to be content and secure with this. I hope my love doesn't lose a friend. I hope my love doesn't lose me. I hope I don't lose love. Or take love for granted. Only sunday will tell.