ENOUGH ALREADY

So, yesterday I posted that Sunday would be hard. Fuck man. Last night was hard. Last night was brutal. The first phone call came in... yes, Ben. I am at Alex's. See you in three. The second call now. "Is that Allysha that just walked in?" Sonya kicks my leg. Fuck. Yes. Fuck. It is her. Oh god. This is not what I had wanted for the evening. No. Ben - go get us a beer. I know you want to say hello to your friend. I didn't fucking say hang out with her. NO. I said please get us a beer. Invite her to our table if you must, but don't fucking stay there with her. Well, of course she joins. Of Fucking Course. Talking ensues. I am becoming increasingly more uncomfortable. He is looking at her the way he looks at me. I may vomit. "Hey! Allysha! Come smoke with us!". At this point Ben is holding her cigarettes. I ask for them, so I could look at them, and he hands them to Allysha. Did he just touch her hand? Oh god, I am imagining things again. Outside. "Allysha you make me uncomfortable and I am insecure around you. There has to be some sort of boundaries in our world." Her response is that she doesn't handle being told what to do very well. Fuck. This goes on and on. I am sick to my stomach. Why in the FUCK would this girl walk upon something so great (un-intentionally) fucking it up just because she can? Enough already. I can't fucking handle the fight. I am physically ill. This is between Ben and Allysha. I am not involved. I have given power to Allysha. Power over me and my well-being. Power over my relationship. I am seeing distance where it wasn't before. I am pushing and pulling and fucking things up again. Ben and I have built a life TOGETHER! I will not allow a silly girl take over my rational self or my relationship. Enough already! I am done. I am going to sit back and watch the show, and attempt my greatest measure of trust I have ever known. I trust that Ben will do right. I trust him with my kids. I trust him with my body. It is time for me to trust him with my heart. In the meantime, Sunday looms.