Christmas yes

What a day. If family is Christmas, then today was Christmas. Today is and was family, in every sense of the word. In general, family has a generic meaning which every household adheres to. There is a mother and a father. There are grandparents and brothers and sisters. There are aunts and uncles. Cousins, too, if you're lucky anyhow. Then, there's my family. Allow me to elaborate. MY family consists of me, two crazy kids, and my lovee. That's the easy part, essentially. We awoke and santa came and there were presents and lights and there was a tree and there food and oh my I know what a run on sentence but oh my what a family we have!!! I know it is super love when my two year old threatens to cut my "doobies" off with the new saw that santa got for him and "turn me into a boy", while my seven year old is lauging hysterically and my Ben says, "oh lovers". That is MY family. Then, there's Suzus house. That's the "other family" - as I call it. Susan was married to Don. He's my dad. Great guy, and he lives with Barbie. Barbie and my father came over Christmas afternoon.... and we finally got dressed. Strange lady, that Barbie. She is very outgoing, but maybe she wouldn't be if she know how weird she really was. So insecure, and talking is her way of 'fitting in', as it is. I personally just wish she would shut up and drink some more. The rest of the family comes next. Susan (my father's ex-wife of sooo many years and mother of my siblings)has dinner at her house. They don't like me, but they like Ben. This is my 'your invited' motive. Ben is entertained by them, fair enough. And our Chritmas dinner takes place. My father and Barbie, Ben, the kids and I, Susan, my siblings (John, Nolan, Olivia and Samantha). John's girlfriend Elise is there, as well as Samantha's ex-boyfriend, Dave and Susan and Dave's three boys (Tyler, Kyle, and McClane), and Susan's parents (Betsy and Jerry). What a houseful. I did not speak to my biological mother today, nor have I for months. I have no remorse for this (though maybe secretly I do. I am writing about it afterall). I also made no attempt at contacting my Grandfather in Red Bluff or my brother in Fresno. I will make those two calls today and apologize and say I was super busy yesterday. They'll be okay with that. A year ago, I was kicked out of Susan's house on Christmas. I was drunk and I was mean. I have a lot of repressed anger in many areas of my life, especially areas that revolve around family and what family truly is. In my world my family remains my family. How perfect it is, what I always dreamed of, what I always wanted. Going to Susan's house yesterday was different for me. I could look at her home objectively, and know the people who were there, seated around the dinner table, were family. However, when the night was over, Ben, the boys, and I would go home. To our house. My family would go home. Togeher. I have a family.