Misunderstood, But Willing To Comply.

I am misunderstood. I will always be misunderstood. Sitting here this evening, I am content with this realization. I feel like I am liberated. Never before have I made peace with the fact that some things are not meant to be solved. I am one of those things. You can't solve me. I totally get it.

No, I don't try to impress you with the things I put here, in this blog. I suppose before now, I have tried to explain myself, or have tried to make you understand. I realize now, however, that it is impossible. From this point on, I suppose I will try to connect with you in some way or another. It is by connection that compassion is born. It is through connection that love is obtained.

Is it not said that the connection between child and mother takes place early, and those fist moments together tie mother and child together for life? That bond sticks with you, teaches you love; no matter what. I had that bond, or so I think... and I also believe I lost it. I believe I truly lost the ability to bond and to love truly. Maybe my plight in life is to learn to have that bond and to love, whether it be my children, my family, or my partner. I hope that through this writing we can somehow connect. Perhaps we can somehow bond, and I can love you. Maybe you can even love me.

I am not trying to impress you, so please don't flatter yourself. I am not trying to win you over as the girl who came out of the shit-filled life and came to riches. I am not that girl.

However, I am a girl. I am a girl, living in the world, learning on a daily basis exactly what life is about and what the purpose of living is. I am a girl who has good days and bad days, a girl who takes "happy pills", and girl who tries hard. I am a girl who has nightmares, a girl who has a hard time paying bills, but never leaves her kids without. I am a girl who spends nights in psychatric wards, yet a girl who is completely sane most days. I am a girl who never gives up hope of a better tomorrow. I am a girl who lives each day like it is her last, and a girl who lives each day like it the first day of her new life. I am a girl who loves everyone and judges nobody. I am a girl who likes to cook as much as she likes to eat frozen pizza.

Truth be told, I am just like you. I am a daughter, a sister, a neice, a grand-daughter, a mother, a dreamer, and a person. I am like you. I am no different. I am no more or less important on this planet we live on; in this great creation we live each day.

When you read what I write, read with an open mind. Read with enthusiasm. Read with the intention of learning what goes through the mind of a person on a day; a person you are somehow connected to. Yes, I may use garbage language or slur and slander a situation.

Ce La Vie. In my world, some things are garbage, many things are slured, and slander is something of an everday occurance. Please, catch your breath.

Get this: This girl behind the computer is me. I am Mel. I am real. I am writing not to offend, just to be. I am here being me.