So, now it is two in the morning. I don't know how to express any furthur my disdain for the current condition of the public school system regaurding my son, so I am going to move on furthur into my rant regaurding the here and now.
Mind you that I am extremely happy, even as I am writing. Mind you that these are just observations and thoughts about things as they are and what I expect in the near future. I am in no way unhappy or discontent. I love my life, just as it is.
I just have a few things which should be adressed.
Number one: Napa is not all it was expected to be. I mean, you have expectations, and you are always disappointed. I get that. I knew that. I know that. It's almost like assuming makes an ass out of You and of Me. Duh.
So, Ben and I sat down one day and we said, "Let's move to Napa." Six weeks later, we did just that. Napa was the land of opportunity. A land of good wine and of good food. This was the place where our dreams would come true. Flash forward seven months, and: we are in the land of good wine, and great food. The markets are beautiful, we have great friends. We drive north or south, and there are wonderful things (like the city and resaurants and world-renown wineries). Billions of dollars are spent each year by people pretending to live the life we live. Crazy!
I have the BEST job, the job that ALL servers covet, working for the Iron Chef Himself, Morimoto San. People come in star stuck and only wanting a picture with him (their life dream?) I work with and for this guy on a daily basis. I have had beers with him and chances are I will have Thanksgiving Dinner with him. Wow! Let me just say, for those who don't know: This is impressive. Morimoto San is the pillar of all seafood goodness and creative genius, up there with Thomas Keller and French Laundry. I helped open his "baby" in Napa, California. I am very privelaged (and financially aware of this opportunity).
Ben has GREAT jobs. He works the the Rudd EMPIRE! Leslie Rudd owns and operates and donates so much to Saint Helena, and is truly a staple of what Saint Helena and fine dining (and money) is about The Rudd Institute of Wine and Dean and Deluca. Ben also works at the Bed and Breakfast here in Napa, which is phenomenal! The White House. He works directly under the Executive Chef, and has transformed the way the Inn and their breakfast service works.
Money. Ha. We have so much money, it's like a dream come true. We could buy anything we want, but not EVERYTHING we want. Don't be confused. As a person who has worked very hard for everything they have had (disregaurd braces), I am excited. I spent a lot, like a money addict. Now, I am saving. I am rebuilding my credit and paying bills on time, and I am still having fun in the meantime (without going too crazy). Ben and I are on a level which is appropriate, in most ways.
I say "most ways" because we work A LOT! Well, mostly Ben does at this point. It's hard to go from working very hard to just make ends meet, to all of a sudden realizing everything is great, and it's okay to relax. It took me a while to find a job here in Napa that worked for us, and Ben picked up two jobs right away. He has been working 70+ hours per week since March. I know he is tired. However, once you have put in a lot of time to a certain place, how do you back off or quit? After all, time invested is important, especially when you know you're good at what you do. And, the busy season will be over soon, right?
When I got the job at Morimoto, I did the same... sixty plus hours per week, mostly nights. Some times days and then nights and then more and more hours and Blah! Balancing kids and training and studying and school and babysitters, I can't say it wasn't and is not hard; but I try to balance things (still) to the best of my ability.
The money, the work, the time, the lack of time. It's all very addicting.
So, all this writing and the bottom line is this: Ben and I are great. Is Napa what we expected, what we wanted? Yes, and No (as far as I am concerned, at least).
Yesterday, we left for the coast. No work for either of us. Today we came home. No work for either of us again. Two DAYS! In A ROW! I had to request days off, Garrett had to miss school, and Ben was getting over being sick. It was perfect, and here is why: It was the FIRST time since March 17th of 2010 that Ben and I BOTH had two complete days off in a row, together. The first time since arriving in Napa.
It was the FIRST time that we could plan a "getaway" with the family, and even though we had to pull strings it was worth it.
What I realized, however, is this: Yuck, and nope. This aint it.
Napa is Great. It is hot, and it is October 14th. There is no snow. It was over one hundred degrees today, and I am mostly thankful that we were at the coast (and that we had AC when we got home). The last forty miles toward our house were covered in Ferraris, Porches and other unmentionable expensive luxury cars. The hills and valleys were draped with grape vines and wineries, none of which we have ever been to; Mostly we lack the time. It reminds me of how I lived in Ashland for so long, and never saw ANY Shakespeare (except of couse, the Greene Shows). What is the point?
So, it is harvest now. The grapes are coming off the vines, and the valley smells like rotten fruit. I am looking forward to cooler weather and a change of schedule that might alot more time for the family, especially after the "busy season". We however, have not been here through the "slow season", so only time will tell.
The coast, the beach, the get-away was bitter sweet for me. I want it back. I want it back RIGHT NOW. I want my phone to continually prompt me for the time zone, unsure of where in reality we are. I want the time we had in the redwoods, doing nothing. I want the bottle of Beaujalais, the olives, the hummus, the apples. Ben and I wandering around the forrest and the beach. I want the kids running and skipping rocks in the river, finding places to hide; pretending to be pirates an alligator hunters.
I want that to last, forever. I want peace and quiet and slowness to be a way of life for us.
I want it all, with Ben. I want it all with my boys. I want it all (slowly); I want to take it all in. I want it one breath at a time.
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